Friday, October 03, 2008


This is the debut review from my friend Oblivion. Yes, that's the same Oblivion who comments on this blog regularly. This review has been posted unchanged by me, including any spelling and grammatical errors.

After weeks of pondering and planning. The night we all anticipated finally arrived and at the end, our expectations were far exceeded and each of us were fulfilled beyond our hearts content.

I am of course talking about the night we finally had the utmost pleasure to wine and dine at the famous Longrain Modern Thai Restrauant. As highly recommended by our new ‘anonymous’ Chef friend, Longrain is tucked away near the eastern end of Little Bourke Street, and we ensured ourselves our stay by booking in advance (or so I tried).

As you may all be accustomed to Thanh’s traditional approach to describing every aspect of his dinining experiences from the moment he sets his foot in the place to the description of every dish set forth at the table, my approach will be slightly different. My review will focus more on describing my overall feelings at various stages of the whole night’s experience. I will not go into too much detail about each sampled food, but rather engage the audience with compelling details of the trance set upon me the moment my mouth and lips tasted the sudden burst of natural flavour that devoured both mind and body.

Our usual party of five included myself would meet at my humble aboard situated approximately 30km from the heart of the City. Every member arrived with good timing with the exception of my wife who always has an unbreakable habit of arriving fasionably, but inexcusably, LATE. Nonetheless, I was more than able to guide my 2006 Limited Edition Corolla Conquest safely onto the busy Monash Freeway which eventually lead us to our destination in more than enough time to spare.

Upon arrival of the establishment, we were promtly greeted with a gentle smile and lead swifly to a small rectangular table, at the corner, surrounded by low seats which provided a slighly disappointing level of comfort. Nonetheless, we were all able to move around rather freely and able to shuffle the dishes with ease among ourselves during the night. None of us did not grimace too much with this seating arrangement.

The first quarter of an hour we engaged in the sipping of a few of many available cocktails to order whilst congratulating Thanh's recent rise to the Senior Level in the hierachy of his Coporation. Once the last drop of cocktail had gulpted down our throats, we began to inspect every dish named and described in the menu. Choosing very carefully with much consideration, we finally compromised on the dining itenary for the night.

With the exception of the Red Curry, every other dish could not be described in words without a great struggle with one’s vocabulary. Not to say the Red Curry was ordinary, but rather simply not a much greater measure above what one would expect at an average family Indian or Thai takeway. The rest of the them; undescribable – simply a gigantic explosion of flavour activating every pleasurable sensation in the mind and body. Every instance from guiding the utensil into my mouth to motoring my jaw in circles, I would scream silently in a wild passion of continious orgasms that lasted till my throat involuntariry swallowed the contents. The flavours from every meat, every vegetable, every sauce was magically present whether it was a result of the freshness of the ingredients or the impecible skills of the Head Chef who should not last one night of his life without great praise and compliment.

The overall environment that surrounded us throughout the night was of a fairly relaxed nature. The lighting was rather dim for my likings and the noise generated by drunken chatter from other patrons in the packed house proved overwhelming at times. However, it made next to no impact to me personally as I was enchanted most of the night with the pleasant and unexpected delights from almost each flavour that swirled in my mouth stimulating almost all the sensual taste buds I now considered bless to possess and no longer taking for granted.

As one would expect from any Fine Dining establishment, Longrain’s service was more than adequate to praise and compliment not only for it’s standards, but the warm and fuzzy feeling each staff placed upon us with their smiles and charm. The timing for taking our orders to delivering every dish could not be faulted.

In closing, I hope this review makes the point very clear to everyone what to expect if one decides to have a try at this very exclusive eatery. Unless there was a very sudden and significant change in management or in the kitchen, I can give my guarantee and my two thumbs up everytime someone even questions about thinking of visting Longrain.

Confit of Duck with Grapefruit, Lime and Coriander

Wagyu Beef Salad with Papaya and Spicy Lime Sauce

Red Curry of Braised Pork Hock

Spicy Squid and Pork with Fried Betel Leaves

Massaman Curry Lamb

Steamed Swordfish with Fried Betel Leaves and Thai Sauce

(Clockwise from top left) Black Sticky Rice with Mango and Sweet Coconut Cream, Vanilla Flavoured Tapioca with Palm Sugar, Egg Rolls, Caramel Custard, Coconut Jellly, Coconut Ice Cream with Yellow Beans, Yellow Bean Cake, (in centre) Ginger Ice Cream with Tempura Bananas

FINAL VERDICT (out of 5 stars)
Taste – 4

Value – 3.5

Ambience – 3

Service - 4

Comfort - 3

Overall – 4

An unforgettable experience worthy of the highest praise. Every dish beautifully crafted and prepared with a sea of flavour. A warm environment coupled with pleasurable and friendly service. Highly recommended for any casual diner and a must for lovers of Thai gourmet.

Longrain Melbourne on Urbanspoon


  1. well, well. with the troll writing reviews, who will now troll the troll? I guess it's up to me. I really truly like your review Oblivion. it's oratorical fireworks!!!! though, in parts you do draw too much inspiration and analogy from Debbie Does Dallas or Deep Throat. Too much word wanking could result in hair growing on your palms!! How then will you be able to suffiently drive your beast from your suburban (en)c(l)ave to the city again??

  2. My cousin obviate. Thank you. I am glad you like parts of my review. But yes I did climax so sorry if eating good food is better than sex.

    Don't worry about driving and wanking. I drive automatic so it's all cool.

  3. "Debbie Does Dallas or Deep Throat"

    It seems someone is quite familiar with these titles. I look forward to watching your next gig. Your DVD sales go through the roof in all my Club X stores.

  4. I would have used "Shemale High School Reformatory" but feared that it would have been too esoteric

  5. Obvious,

    I like this title. I must grab a copy of this "Debbie does Dallas". I have never watched a film dating decades back.

    Have you tried Longrain. I am glad to attract attention to this fantastic Thai place, one way or the other.

  6. obviate and obvious prefers the Longrain in (and the winner is) Syd-ner-nee, but likes the Melbourne one also. obvious thinks that cousin oblivion is lucky to cop the small table, cos conversation is difficult at the wider gangbang tables, which are far too wide and gaping.

    do they still have the Ping Pong cocktail, with lychees?? Thai's do good things with ping pongs.

  7. Obsidian,

    The small table had it's perks but it was not me who whined and moaned about the seating as mentioned in the post.

    I don't recall Ping Pong cocktail with lychees. Thai are better at badminton.

    Thank You for your feedback. I would like to visit Sydney Longrain one day to see on the dancing pole.

  8. I'm afraid by the time you got to the food, I'd already become disengaged and just skipped to the score at the end. But that's fine. I'm glad you had a good time.

  9. Who knew a post about food could draw so much conversation about Debbie doing Dallas.

    Oblivion, I would have to agree with Obviate in saying that it was a good first up review in parts. But you were a bit too liberal with your expressive words and at times it read more like something out of Good Food Porn rather than Good Food Guide. As Dicko from Australian Idol would say "it was a bit too self indulgent and you neglected the audience sometimes". Discuss.

  10. Fat and Stupid Do,

    At least it's a fresh change from your usual approach of talking about how fast the faster service was, displaying photos of people "eating away" and accusing people or racism and leaving their family in a ditch. Please consider!

    Good food makes me hormonial. You eat when you are upset Do the Panda.