Inner Thoughts of a Hipster Waiter

Hi everyone, if you're still reading this blog, I haven't posted in a while. Every time the uni semester gets underway, I find myself super busy and the blog gets put on the back burner. Uni semester is now approaching the end and I'm studying for my exams. There's nothing like procrastinating about my uni exams to motivate me to write a blog post. I wish we could setup more urgent deadlines for everything to procrastinate about so we do the things we were supposed to be doing willingly.

So here is a fun post which popped into my head when I was talking with Michele and from reading this article called Forget the farm food fanfare where waiters describe the origin of every ingredient in a dish. I've noticed that at any restaurant worth mentioning in terms of trendy places in Melbourne, they mostly employ hipster waiters who carry a certain look and attitude. Here's a post dedicated to them. The aim of this post is to incite laughter in the observational style of one of my favourite shows, Seinfeld.

Inner Thoughts of a Hipster Waiter

1. What did that customer order? I wasn't listening as I was too busy staring my fellow good looking waiter.

2. These Chinese symbols and abstract design tattoos are totally giving me hardcore waiter credentials.

3. I hate having to spend so much money to find vintage looking clothes to wear to work every day.

4. I have to read more "how to improve your memory books" as it's so hard to remember orders without using a notepad as that looks so daggy.

5. If I distract the customers with my good looks while I recite the menu, they won't know that I don't eat this unhealthy food in order to maintain my weight.

6. If a customer asks for my opinions, I'll just recommend the most expensive dish as you can't go wrong with that.

7. I have to tone down my tourist accent so these Orstaylians can understand me.

8. I wonder if anyone will notice how much hair gel I have on and that I constantly touch my hair before I serve them food.

9. The recruiter was so wrong when they told me that my pierced eyebrown, nose and tongue wouldn't allow me to get a job.

10. It's so hard balancing 3 plates on my arms. I'm much rather carry two at a time and just strut across the restaurant.

11. I love how leaving the customer waiting as it makes me feel more important.

12. If I put on a fake British/European accent, I find I get way more tips.

13. It's lucky Melbourne restaurants are really hiring people like me so it means I can constantly swap restaurants and meet new people.

14. If I work this job for another 3 months, I can head off to Queensland for a 3 month holiday.

15. What did that customer order?


If you have any more inner thoughts of a hipster waiter, I'd love to hear them in the comments. Hope you had a laugh. If not, clearly you don't have a funny bone. Go hit yourself in the elbow to activate your funny bone.